Cachando Chile: a Year in Review

Writing the landmark 100th post is a bit of a daunting task. I had intended to post this on December 1, which I had declared Cachando Chile’s 1-year blogiversary, but with all the hoopla over the Alienating Chileans post (which hit and passed the 100 comments mark that day), followed by an enormous amount of real-life events—you know the kind—all those things that get in the way of blogging, but that end up becoming “blog fodder*’ anyway. (*Eileen gets credit for coining this extremely apropos term).

In honor of this landmark, I wanted to look back over my first year of blogging. A lot of territory has been covered here (take a look at the Category list on the right hand side of the page), and I’ve gone through the past 99 posts and selected a few that I think merit another go-round. Some have been reader favorites, some have been particularly fun, other controversial, and others just plain favorites of mine. There are plenty more… but alas I can’t choose them all!

Those of you who have been reading for a while will recognize most of them. Others who are newer to Cachando Chile probably missed some of the earlier bits…

I’d love to know your opinions! Please feel free to leave comments on the individual posts or on the overall concept here. Let me know if you have a favorite I’ve overlooked or if there’s a topic you’d like more of in the future.

General Reflections on Life in Chile

The whole blog is about reflecting on life in Chile, but some of the posts hit it more on the head than others…and there are some that I particularly like and think deserve a bit more attention:

The Dance Card’s Full : This is something of a general overview of Chilean culture and my take on why it sometimes seems so difficult to become close friends with Chileans.

I was a Peruvian Dish Towel Smuggler: My unwitting and involuntary foray into an international smuggling incident and illegal alien operation.

SAG and the No-Spice for Chile Campaign: Chile is an island. You may not realize it by looking at a map of South America, but its natural borders make it particularly vulnerable to certain agricultural risks… much to the chagrin and dismay of foodies with a taste for big international flavors.

The Calendar Trap: After nearly 2 decades of hearing it, you would think that I should have learned by now that when a Chilean says “next Wednesday” they mean it literally and not the “next week on Wednesday” as it too often gets translated in my gringo brain.

Santiago Metro: the daily crush: There’s nothing earth-shattering here, but the picture’s worth a couple thousand words when it comes to  a snapshot of a crucial bit of the everyday lives of more than 2 million Santiaguinos.

San Lunes: Chile’s Stormy Monday: A personal favorite of playful writing on an age-old problem.

Language-themed posts & pages:

Language has proven to be a popular topic and over the year we have explored slang, false cognates, embarrassing bloopers and faux pas, popular expressions, and bi-lingual humor.

Glossary & Chilenismos : This list of Chilean vocabulary and expressions has grown over the year into a linguistic guide to speaking “Chilensis,” which surely has little to do with the Spanish you learned in school (or anywhere else, for that matter!)

Chilean Spanish Spoken Here: a Rooster from the Glue : A rollicking linguistic free-for-all started by Canadian comedian Eileen Shea that wreaks havoc on the languages and commits some serious linguistic abuse while engaging in inter-linguistic puns and nonsense for an entertaining look at Chilean slang.

Ya Pasamos Agosto: that most frightful and fateful month of the Chilean year prompted a long series of euphemistic bucket-kicking, farm-buying, daisy-pushing expressions.

Chilean Expression: Born with a Hardroll under the Arm: More odd-sounding expressions that make life and language more interesting.

False Cognates:

Beware those dangerous little words that seem so familiar but that can really trip you up if you aren’t careful! Here are a couple examples:

Cynical or Cínico: Think of the English definition while using the word in Spanish will get you into hot water. Be sure you know the difference!

Flirting with Frugal: Once again, those little language quirks play their tricks on words that seem to be the same but aren’t…

Readers’ favorites:

All things food related, especially anything to do with slapping something between 2 pieces of bread.

Sánguches: written by founding partner “El Viejo,” this is the all-time top Cachando Chile hit, with a good review of Chile’s truest comfort food.

Anthony Bourdain loves Lomitos: Foodie rockstar Bourdain made the front page of the local news when he was spotted chowing down one of Chile’s favorite sandwiches.

A Hot Dog is not a Completo:  As anyone who has ever been in Chile surely knows, the Chilean concept of a frankfurter on a bun has little to do with the good old mustard-smeared variety that is so popular in the US.

Cola de Mono: Who knew that this traditional cold hooch & milk Christmas punch would turn out to be such a hot topic? Curiously enough, it and its sister post with recipe (Cola de Mono: Chile’s true Christmas Spirit are quite a popular duo at Cachando Chile.

Most controversial posts:

When I first started blogging, a friend in the know told me that controversial topics make the best posts. I don’t normally go looking for trouble, but I did manage to stir up a bit here here and there bz pushing a few buttons here along the way.

Dogs are a topic all in themselves. I’ve posted about them three times this year and people’s opinions range from one extreme to the other, represented in It’s a Dog’s World and Quiltros & Hero Dogs.

May I Take Your Purse? Certainly stirred up a lot of opinions on cultural practices, trust, friendships, and even a bit of international debate.

Ways to Alienate a Chilean: This post breaks all records for the number of comments and number of participants in the conversation, as well as the broad range of opinions expressed. Phew! I never dreamed it would provoke such a response, and frankly I thought the discussion was very rewarding. I certainly hope to come up with more like this in the future!

Photo Essays:

When I began this blog a year ago, I had not planned on making photography a big part of it, although it is certainly one of my own greatest interests. That changed with time and photography gradualy found its place and greater space in Cachando Chile. Here are a few of my favorite photo essays:

Concón: Looking Good after 468 years, Part 1 and Concón: Looking Good after 468 years, Part 2: A chance encounter with a local anniversary celebration turned into 2 days of fun and photo op.

El Dieciocho: Chilean Independence Day: Chile takes its Independence Day celebrations very seriously. Here’s a look at a typical home celebration as well as a municipal to-do.

Parada Militar: Gotta Love a Parade: The day after Independence Day is Armed Forces Day, and the parade is a major event.

Gringas die laughing

I was just sitting here minding my own business when the phone rang the other day and a reporter announces that he had stumbled upon Cachando Chile and had tracked me down and wanted to know more about what was behind this whole Chilean Spanglish Rooster from the Glue, bad-translation fun with Chilenismos that was going on over here. He saw that gringa blogger Abby (see Abby’s Line) was involved as well as Canadian comedian Eileen Shea. Unfortunately Bearshapedsphere blogger Eileen Smith posted just a tad too late to be included in the article—it was LUN‘s loss, but you don’t have to miss out—go on over and check out her contribution too!

It seems he thinks we have a movement going on. I told him that the post had started with a bit that Eileen included a preliminary version in her show for the Chilespouses the other night. “There are 500 gringas who get together to laugh at Chilean dichos?” he asked incredulously.

No… I had to laugh… “nothing like that… we get together for other reasons, but it’s fun to laugh at ourselves trying to figure out what these strange sayings are all about!” I told him.

He asked for my top 5… caught me off guard with that one, but I had to admit that the first time I heard someone say “mi señora no tiene pelos en la lengua” (my wife has no hair on her tongue) I was really torn between confusion and repulsion… I mean, ICK! (it means she’s outspoken, by the way). And then there’s the obvious question of why in the world anyone would name a tasty pastry treat something as odd as “calzones rotos” (‘torn underpants’ or ‘ripped knickers’ in Brit-speak). Eeuuww! But once you get beyond the name, they really are pretty good (the name comes from the shape, by the way, although even so it takes a bit of imagination…)

I also have to say that “pato malo“  (bad duck) seems a very odd way to refer to a thug… I mean, a snake, a fox, a bull, a bear, even a dog… I could be afraid of those things… but how bad can a duck really be? Doesn’t it strike you as a rather affectionate way to refer to someone that no one would ever want their son to be or their daughter to date? And then there’s this whole fascination with pigs… “Pasarlo chancho,” for example, means to have a good time… why? I can’t help but wonder… and then the use of “chanchito” as a term of endearment! (really!) That’s probably grounds for divorce anywhere else!  Hmmm… have you seen the book of Chilean idioms, How to Survive in the Chilean Jungle? The name probably came from all the animal references we have going on here!

In the end the reporter Enrique Niño wrote a very nice piece in Las Ultimas Noticias (thank you Enrique!), and the response from his readers who looked Abby and I up on our respective blogs has been tremendous! We’ve received tons of contact from people from around the world, although most were Chileans who were amused and offering new vocabulary and expressions that will be added to the Cachando Glossary very soon!

So if you haven’t seen the article, take a look! (Gringas se matan de risa traduciendo chilenismos) (by Enrique Niño for Las Ultimas Noticias, Sunday August 16, 2009, Santiago de Chile).

Chilean Spanglish Spoken Here: A Rooster from the Glue

Spanglish is a funny language. Spend enough time here in Chile and you end up pretty fluent in the Chilean variant, which I call Spangli-shilean!! (Get it?) See? Right there you need to be on the inside track to cachar la onda…

At our most recent Chilespouses dinner, our resident comedian Eileen Shea had the Spanglishilean speakers roaring with laughter—and many of the newcomers scratching their heads—with a story about a guy from work.

I asked her if I could post it here at Cachando Chile, and we ended up getting our chuckles while playing linguistic ping-pong with it for a few days until we finally came up with this version. Test your own level of Spanglishilean (and have a little bad translation fun) with this doozy:

****************

There’s a rooster of the glue who told me his worse-is-nothing had improved herself and brought a baron to light at 3 in the morning.

The uncle said his creature may not have arrived with a hard roll under the arm, but he waits he was born standing up, like he was. What it will be, always that he doesn’t convert to a bad duck or a spear. He hopes he will finish at least his medium learning and perhaps make himself a frog, like his co-father, helping the microphone operators who drive like testicles.

The wedding was very happy they had a man for the end, since they already had 3 women. His wife doesn’t have any hair on her tongue and said that now that they have a man, she’s going to close the factory and go back to selling broken underpants on the microphones in the center of James, where they live in their half water.

Maybe it was big-footed of my part, but I asked the crazy man what wave, and he said his half orange and the snotty were passing it pig. I’m going to take her some cardinals—they enchant me because they are meat dog.

****************

So, how’d you do? ¿Lo cachaste al tiro? Congratulations!
Consider yourself a fluent Spanglishilean speaker (I dare you to put that on your resume!).

Didn’t quite get that? Don’t worry… take a deep breath, and let’s walk through this together.

If you speak Spanish, take a moment to translate it and see what you come up with. Los que hablan chilensis lo cacharán rapidito…

If you don’t speak Spanish, feel free to just skip down to the end for a Spanglishilean to English translation… the rest of us will catch up later.

OK, Spanish speakers… Got that translation ready? Is it making sense now? No? Looks like you’re not up to speed on your Chilean!

Try this:

Hay un gallo de la pega que me dijo que su peor es nada se había mejorado y dio luz a un varón a las 3 de la mañana.

El tío dijo que capaz que su criatura no haya llegado con la marraqueta bajo el brazo, pero espera que haya nacido tan parado como él. Lo que sea, siempre que no se convierta en un pato malo o un lanza. Espera que termine por lo menos su enseñanza media y quizás hacerse sapo, como su compadre, ayudando a los micreros que manejan como pelotas.

El matrimonio estaba muy feliz por haber tenido un hombre por fin, porque ya tenían 3 mujeres. Su mujer no tiene pelos en la lengua y dijo que ahora que tenían un hombre, iba a cerrar la fábrica y volver a vender calzones rotos en las micros en el centro de Santiago, donde viven en su media agua.

Quizás fui patuda de mi parte, pero pregunté al loco qué onda y me dijo que su media naranja y el mocoso estaban pasándolo chancho. Le voy a llevar unos cardenales; me encantan porque son carne perro.

Huh? You speak Spanish and you still didn’t get it? This, dear friends, is pure Chilensis.

Need an interpreter? Let’s go!

Some of these terms are regular Spanish, others are pure Chilean:

Gallo (rooster) = a guy

La pega (the glue) = work

Peor es nada (worse is nothing) = wife, in this case, but also used for husband

Mejorarse (improve oneself) = literally, to get better, though here, to have a baby

Dar luz (give light) = to give birth

Varón (baron) = man (Chileans use this term for a baby boy) Note: varón is not really baron, but since v and b are pronounced the same, it sounds the same.

Tío (uncle) = guy

Criatura (creature) = baby, child

Nacer con la marraqueta bajo el brazo (to be born with a hard roll under the arm) = to be born with a silver spoon in one’s mouth or to bring luck to the family

Nacer parado (to be born standing up) = to be lucky, born under a lucky star

Pato malo (bad duck) = hoodlum, thug

Lanza (spear) = pick-pocket or purse-snatcher type thief

Enseñanza media (medium learning) = high school

Sapo (frog) = person who lets the bus drivers know when the last bus along their route passed. They get the name from jumping on and off the buses all day.

Compadre (co-father) = literally god-father to your child, but often used to refer to a close friend

Micrero (microphone operator) = bus driver

Manejar como pelotas (drive like testicles) = to drive badly. To do something “como pelotas” is to do it badly.

Matrimonio (wedding) = a married couple. In Spain a wedding is a boda, but in Chile the term matrimonio refers to the ceremony as well as the couple.

Tener un hombre (have a man) = have a boy / son

Tener 3 mujeres (have 3 women) = have 3 girls / daughters

No tiene pelos en la lengua (doesn’t have hair on her tongue) = to be outspoken

Cerrar la fábrica (close the factory) = stop having babies

Calzones rotos (broken underpants) = typical Chilean fried dough pastry

Las micros (the microphones) = the buses (for some reason “micro” uses the feminine article la)

Santiago (James) = San Santiago in Spanish is Saint James in English

Media agua (half water) = a very basic, simple house

Ser patuda (big-footed) = to be overly forward, cross the line, push the limits

Loco (crazy man) = guy

Qué onda (what wave) = what’s up

Media naranja (half orange) = wife (or husband), like referring to one’s “better half”

Mocoso (snotty) = kid, young child (like saying “rugrat”)

Pasarlo chancho (pass it pig) = have a good time

Cardenales (cardinals) = carnations

Carne perro (meat dog) = this should really be carne de perro, but the “de” usually gets dropped out when spoken. It generally means tough, resistant, impossible to kill. In this specific case, flowers that are easy to grow.

(You can see more terms like these in the Cachando Chile Glossary).

Got that? Want a real translation now? How’s this:

There’s a guy from work who told me his wife had had a baby boy at 3 in the morning.

The guy said his son may not have been born wealthy, but he hopes he’s as lucky as he is. Whatever, as long as he doesn’t turn into a hoodlum or a pick-pocket. He hopes he will at least finish high school and maybe become a bus assistant, like his buddy who helps the bus drivers, who drive like idiots.

The couple was very happy that they had finally had a boy, because they already had 3 girls. His wife is really outspoken and said that now that they had a son, she was going to stop having kids and go back to work selling pastries on the buses in downtown Santiago, where they live in their little house.

Maybe I was out of line, but I asked the guy what was up, and he said both his wife and the rug-rat were having a great time. I’m going to take her some carnations—I love them because they last so long.

Many thanks to Eileen Shea for coming up with this great word game and letting me play too!

If you enjoyed this, take a wander over to see what Abby’s been up to (More word games on Abby’s Line).

And be sure to have a look at what Eileen at Bearshapedsphere  has to say about “Dead men knocking at the door.“

Annje also takes the bait. Check her story out at “Annje Speaks Chilensis.”

Anyone else want to try? This could make for a great group blog… give it a shot, post to your blog, and let me know so we can cross link!

Update:  Also see the related  “Gringas die Laughing” post to see the reaction to this one!

Chilespouses, 9 years and going strong

Cathy Casanga, founder of Chilespouses

I’m not the only expat blogger who has talked about the challenges of living so far from home, but I do have to say that many of us in Chile have a very special advantage. Nine years ago today Cathy Casanga, formerly of Seattle, founded a group that has become a lifeline for so many of us here.

Back in August of 2000, I got a call from Cathy asking if I would join a Yahoo Group she was setting up called “Chilespouses.” The idea was to have a space for native English-speaking women with Chilean husbands and a commitment to living in Chile to be in touch and share information. “I called the 6 people I knew at the time,” she says. Never did she ever dream what she was getting herself into. We now number more than 500!

The definition of the members has changed somewhat over the years: “native-English speaking” has become “English speaking but not necessarily as a first language” (we now have a number of members from other, mostly European, countries). And not all are married—the “husband” requirement has turned to “partner” and even “ex.”

What has remained solid, however, is the fact that we are all women (men have tried to join but we remain firm and feminine—ahem, let me rephrase that (some of us are not as “firm” as we used to be)—we are women only, we all have or have had Chilean partners (which creates a specific bonding point as we try to negotiate the rules of belonging to a Chilean family), and we are all foreigners with a long(ish)-term commitment to living and belonging in this country and culture. This is no place for tourists.

Chilespouse and jazz singer member Danielle Gilson performs at the annual dinner

Other than that we are a widely diverse group. Some have been here “forever” (Barbee, congrats on 42 years!), and others are just off the boat (I know, nobody comes on a boat anymore, but “just off the plane” really misses that proverbial boat when it comes to making my point). We are of all ages and from all walks of life; we hail from many different places and embrace a variety of religious and political beliefs. Some are just starting their families, and others are seeing their grandchildren off to college. We are doctors and lawyers and nurses and writers and teachers and business women and secretaries and translators and historians and scientists and anthropologists and singers and comedians and journalists and  managers and engineers and computer whizzes and wine geeks and cooks and masseuses and moms and so much more, and when it comes right down to it, frankly, we’re one amazingly creative and  interesting bunch of women.

Chilespouse and comedian Eileen Shea shares her uniquely hysterical outlook on this funny world we live in

The Yahoo group allows us to ask for advice and share tips and opinions, spread information and warnings (and way too many virus hoaxes along with the occasional belly laugh). Every “where can I find…” or “how do I…” or “why does my mother-in-law…” or “Please help…” or “Be careful about…” gets an answer (often many), and the accumulated information we share is truly impressive. Looking for a job? A handyman? A maid? A lawyer? A doctor? A car? (selling a car?) A place to get married? You need to know something about skiing? Hiking? Traveling? Working? Buying? Selling? Looking for corn syrup, cranberries, or the perfect apple pie recipe? Need a good laugh? A shoulder to lean on? You’ve come to the right place.

We support each other in many ways, and the tips and advice that our Chilean friends get from their mothers and sisters and best friends from school get passed among the gringas through Chilespouses. Sub-groups form: “Who wants to start a play group for 3-year-olds?” “Lamaze, anyone?” “Up for a Thai cooking class?” “Menopause workshop?” “Happy hour on Monday?” “Chilespouses from Viña & Valpo” “Want a Japi Jane party?” (Yes, Jane is one of ours) and more.

Chilespouses is so many things to so many women, and through it all, we have one woman in particular to thank. Our founder, our friend, our lifeline… who is surely blushing and blustering as she reads this because it is most certainly her way…

She has done an enormous amount of work and an incredible job of keeping this group together for 9 years. “This is not about me,” she says over and over again. We know that Cathy… but it very much is because of you… This is just my way of saying Thank You Cathy, for being my friend, for being our friend, and for being the Queen of the ‘Spouses. (Do you still have the tiara and the magic wand we gave you after 5 years?)

150 gringas packed Zanzibar for the 9th annual Chilespouses dinner

Last night 150 gringas turned out for our annual dinner. We invaded Zanzibar in Borderío (owned in part by a Chilespouse, by the way—Thank you Linda and daughter Susie).

Thanks too, to the wonderful performers who entertained us last night. Chilespouse members all, comedian Eileen Shea, and singers Stefanie Block, Mia Praught Ossa, and Danielle Gilson.

And if you didn’t quite get all of Eileen’s story about they guy from work who’s wife had a baby, check out the latest version at:  Chilean Spanglish Spoken Here: A Rooster from the Glue.

Chilespouse singers Mia Praught Ossa (left) and Stefanie Block (right)

Eileen Shea: the funniest gringa in Chile

Canadian gringa Eileen Shea has been reflecting on Chileans and their culture since she first met her husband in Montreal in 1977, and she sure has a lot to say. In fact, she turned her insights into a career and can be found pretty regularly doing stand up comedy around town. Her hilarious routines on national TV and work with Chilean humorist Coco Legrand have earned her plenty of laughs—along with considerable respect—among Chileans and gringos alike.  She originally performed only in Spanish,  but now also performs in English and French as well.

When we did the group blog on First Impressions of Chile, I asked Eileen (who has been here for 21 years now) to sit down and do what she does best… reflect on her own first impressions of Chileans at home and abroad. I’m sure you’ll want to hear even more—so be sure to check out her next appearances and her own website (listed below).

MS: I know you met your husband in Canada in 1977, but when did you first come to Chile?

ES: I first visited Chile in the early eighties (I don’t remember the exact year—I was raising two small boys at the time—all of the late seventies and early eighties is but a blur). We came to visit several times before moving here in 1988. When you visit, you spend the first half of your trip being invited to welcoming meals in people’s homes and being served pastel de choclo (in the summer) or asados (winter) with lots of pisco and wine, and the second half saying goodbye with lots of pisco and wine, which is very bad for the liver.

I remember that first flight down. The stewardess did her nails shortly after supper was served, so anyone wanting a second glass of wine was instructed to just serve himself while she pointed with wet nails to the various drawers and fridges.

I remember the biblical irony of the deplaning process: people pushing and shoving to be the first off the plane, only to be put on a bus from which they would be last to disembark.

It was my husband’s first trip back to Chile since leaving after a stint in several different detention centres and prison camps. I had half the money and a large photograph of him that I thought could be used if he were arrested at the airport and taken away and I had to hold a press conference, since there was no way to know if he was being sought by the authorities. As we stood in line to show our passports, an official shouted “Sr. Francisco Ruiz, Sr. Francisco Ruiz” and my heart sank, since that was his name.

“Come with me, please,” said the official when Francisco identified himself.

And off they went. Minutes later, he came back for me and I thought I was a goner. “I know your brother-in-law,” the man whispered, “I can get you through faster.” And thus I was introduced to my first “pituto”, a favour done for someone just because you know someone they know. Chile turned out to be a six-degrees-of-separation little world where the magic words “Me mandó el Flaco” could open almost any door. I still say that when I need a favour and have never been challenged to say just what “Flaco” I am referring to, since it is a common nickname and so almost anyone is likely to know someone with that name and let you through the barrier or stamp that document. Many a favour has been bestowed on me since then in Chile thanks to my old friend, Flaco, whoever he is.

When we came out to where people were awaiting arriving passengers, only my husband’s closest relatives were there. All four hundred of them. The guy has 6 grandmothers—and all these years later, it still isn’t clear to me how this could have happened.

We piled in—8 to a taxi. As the guest of honour, I got to sit on the clutch. And off we went, to meet the characters in what would eventually be my new life.

So you finally moved here for good in 1988. Have you found these “characters” to be very different from the characters at home?

Well, just as an example: twice in my life, I have had a close girlfriend call me after discovering her husband had been unfaithful. The first one was Chilean and the second one was Canadian. Both were in a terrible state, weeping and desperate and in both cases, I told them to jump into a cab and come right over. When it happened to my Chilean girlfriend, she arrived with her eyeliner smeared all over her face, bawling her eyes out, lashing out at the philanderer and wiping her tears on her sleeve. When it was the turn of my Canadian girlfriend, she arrived at my door with a family-size box of Kleenexs she had stopped to buy on the way over. I opened the door, saw her looking like she had been run over by a bus, saw the box of Kleenex in her hand, and thought to myself that the box of tissues and the ability to think straight enough to ask the taxi driver to stop along the way somehow embodied an essential difference between gringos and latinos.

When I first got to know Chileans, they were Chileans living outside their country. After meeting my Chilean husband in Montréal in 1977, half my social life took place in the Chilean community. After eleven years of moving in circles of Chileans living outside Chile, we moved to Chile in 1988. Chileans have often remarked to me “You gringos are so cold – you take your old parents and grandparents and put them in institutions rather than allow them to live with you.”

It seems they had seen a documentary about the Inuit in the Canadian Arctic and how the old folk would be set onto ice floes and pushed out to sea, and the Chileans understood this to be a national tradition, but I did my best to dispel the misunderstanding. “After all,” I would argue, “why would I send my poor mother out to freeze to death in sub-zero cold when I could have her with me at home … taking care of my children and cooking for free…?”

Another rude awakening had to do with how Chileans dragged their children everywhere. I once invited a Chilean woman and a Chilean couple for supper and I did not mention their children in the invitation. My people think the whole purpose of a Saturday night is NOT to be with your children. I splurged on a chicken (we had no money). I figured one scrawny bird would feed about 5 adults. When the guests arrived, I counted 13 people … all the extras’ extremely badly behaved toddlers on some sort of caffeine-induced sugar rush, crawling all over my furniture (okay – boards and bricks and a futon), demanding food, drink, and attention. It was the supper from hell.

The concept of a bedtime did not seem to have penetrated Chilean culture. The children whined, fought, screamed, and ate all the food. They were all still awake when the adults left about 2 in the morning. Paying a stranger to care for a child was seen as another example of cold North American behavior… My husband said he hoped we would never have to do something as awful as hiring one ourselves.

I noticed that every single baby had to be greeted with—not words but rather—screams of amazement and celebration, and vowels stretched to the breaking point:

“Pero, qué cosa más riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiica! Mira que inmeeeeeeeeeensa esta guaguiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiita.! Me la voy a comeeeeeeeeeer!”

Every child was judged to be the largest child on record: “¡Pero está enoooorme!” was the standard appraisal. The more the 8-month old looked like a hog, the prouder the parents. If the child was bald, his baldness was celebrated and praised. If child had a full head of hair at birth, this was also celebrated and praised.

Women carrying children were so venerated that people began to rent out babies on voting day so that voters in a hurry could pretend to be the baby’s parent and would be ushered past everyone in the line-up – no questions asked.

I had lived in Chile for over 15 years when I overheard a couple of people talking, and one said to the other “Well, of course, Chile is a matriarchy.” All I could think was Why didn’t anyone mention this to me before? Twenty-six years married to a Chilean and I turn out to be the only woman in the country who is not running her man.

Chilean woman always seem to be sending their men on an errand. “Where’s Jaime?” I ask my neighbor, and she answers “I sent him to buy bread.” Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against this practice. I am just a little put off that no one told me you could do this. In fact, I think it’s a pretty fair deal, when you marry a Chilean: you get to send him out like a radio taxi, but you also spend lots of time doing things you would not have to do if you were married to a gringo – such as buying his underwear for him. I checked the legal books and it’s actually in the Civil Code that once you marry a Chilean man, you are responsible for buying him his underwear. This is a thing Chilean men do not do. You have to schlep down to El Rey del Calzoncillo and pick out the pattern and style you think he looks best in. I notice there are no men in these stores. This can be the only explanation.

The other thing you have to do when you marry a Chilean is make sopaipillas when it rains. This is so different from Canada where, if your basement floods or the entire kitchen gets washed away in a flash flood, you would not feel too great. But in Chile, there is a whole series of traditional dishes developed just for these occasions—and it is assumed that although it is highly likely that it will rain right in your living room, women are expected to hop out of bed and start making pastries.

And just in case you get through the task before sunset, ordinary recipes are stretched out in order to fill any time left – celery, for example, is to be peeled as are tomatoes. Older women will share their secret—boil the tomato for a minute before peeling it—but it still means that a BLT could require a half day’s work. If you’re thinking celery salad, forget it, take the week off and roll up your sleeves.

The traditional Chilean nebulousness is reflected in the literature: I actually read a recipe in Paula for roasted turkey that read “The turkey is done when it looks like it would like to shake hands.”

OK Eileen, it’s time to plug your upcoming shows at Akarana… Spill! Who, what, where, when?

Carl Hammond, a gringo musician-composer will play jazz on the keyboard and I will perform “I couldn’t make this up if I tried” at Akarana on Saturday June 20, and again on Saturday July4. The show is in English and starts at 8 p.m. and there’s a $5000 (peso) cover charge. You can eat a meal or just have a drink.

Check out more of Eileen Shea (which Chileans pronounce CHay-uh) and watch her videos at www.eileenshea.cl.

Akarana Restaurant
Reyes Lavalle 3310, corner of La Pastora, Las Condes (behind the Ritz)
(562) 231-9667